"He looks like you!"

It's funny how so many people comment,
"He looks like you." or "He has your smile" or, "He has your eyes."  I know they mean well. It gets me thinking why they have to find some common thread between parent & child. And it is what most parents do with their biological child. How fun it is for them to see their beloved spouse in their child's eyes, or smile or their mother's hands, or father's chin. It bonds them. I understand. That is how DNA works.
With adoption, we don't have that experience. It's actually very interesting. We know he will not "inherit" any of our physical features. So, when we look at him, we don't even try to find them. We just see him for him. For who he is and for who he will become. His own person.
Why do parents have that natural desire to find a part of them in their child? Is it about having a part of you to continue on after you've left this world? Is is ego? Is it love? Or a little of all of it? I'm not trying to insult other parents or demean their experience at all. I totally get it and understand it. I love my husband so much and we had a huge desire to create a child of our own biologically and we tried for many years. During those three brief, failed pregnancies, we had those same feelings and curiosities. We wondered what they would like and who they would resemble. Totally natural. I'm just saying, that as I am now the mother of our incredible son, I see how it's also a very lovely and spiritual experience to just sit back and see Mason for the true separate individual he is. Loving him does not have anything to do with who he looks like or how he looks. As I'm sure most parents feel. Especially those involved in transracial adoptions! Glenn & I were totally open to that but it was not our match at this time! It's about love & the true connection of our hearts, not the connection of DNA, in my opinion.
So, many therapy couches have been filled with people who's parents wanted them to be carbon copies of them and how miserable or messed it made them. I believe as parents, whether adoptive or biological, it's imperative to be a guide for them to learn who they are. To not force or push them to be someone they are not. I know it is my job to teach him so many things. But I also know that I have much that I will (and already am) learn from him! I'm just trying to be in each moment, and see the world through his eyes. With his amazing sense of wonder and intrigue! It's magical! He may be totally different and discover whole new ideas and a way of living his life one day as an adult. I just want to instill good basic qualities of compassion, empathy, generosity, kindness and a sense of humor and desire to enjoy life with full passion. To accept others for who they are and embrace our differences and marvel at all the beauty in this world! Not too much to ask for, right? 
As you can see from the photo, he is a pensive, thoughtful guy already. Very much like his mommy & daddy. So, nature verses nurture is the question when it comes to adoption, I guess. He'll have more possibilities of qualities to pull from. He already has his daddy's sense of humor too. He makes us laugh so much every day!  It's just fun to sit back & watch it all unfold! We are sure enjoying the ride!!

P.S.
Let just add that one of the first thoughts I had when Mason was born, was how adorable he was because he looked so much like his birthmom. She is such a cutie. So, I did it too!  One can't help it! I'm so grateful for that. That we know her and have pictures to show him and that he will even get to see her again one day. I should say, since my last blog entry, she got back in contact with us and we sent her lots of pictures. She texts us quite a bit and we are so grateful!

Finally!! An update!!

Wow! It's been a while! As you can guess, I've been a bit preoccupied and busy lately! Mason turned 5 months old on May 17th! What an absolutely amazing journey this has been!  Being a mom is just so powerful and life changing for sure!!! It's more challenging then I thought and way more wonderful than I thought too!!  We are SOO blessed! He is such a very good baby. Pretty easy going. He loves to smile and laugh. He is so social and always smiles at people he meets. He is a great observer of life and really studies and takes things in. He books, music and dancing! He's a great eater and sleeper! He is now just about 15 lbs! I'm getting some new muscles I never knew I had! I've even lost 13 lbs since he was born! All the running around, carrying him, lifting up and down and dancing around. Also forgetting to eat or eating while standing up and dancing in order to entertain him!
He just started sleeping through the night! Yipee! We then play & find fun place to go in between. He loves the outdoors and nature. We've been to some cool places! Like the Huntington Gardens, in Pasadena. The Japanese Gardens. He's ridden on a local merry go round and we go for walks at Lake Balboa a lot. I've joined some Mommy groups in our area that are fun too. I love being a stay at home mom!

Seeing my husband as a daddy, has made me love him even more. I knew he would be a great dad, but he is just such a natural at it. He loves his boy and they have a special bond. Glenn is a real hands on kind of dad. He loves to just hold him and do anything to make his boy smile and content. When Mason first arrived home, Glenn was able to take 2 months off of work and we all just cocooned and enjoyed our new family bonding. We took shifts with him at night and he had constant love & attention. It was pure bliss. I'm surprised how well we survived on so little sleep. But the shifts really helped. Because each of us got about 4 to 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. During those first months and every day since, there have been countless times my heart grew so big and full of love it felt like it would just burst!! There were also many tears of joy shed! After waiting so long and to finally be a mommy, is the best feeling in the world. All the pain and heartache have been worth it to have him here and in our lives! Discovering who this new little person was that had entered our life was and is still so magical and delightful!

We have our last meeting for our post placement home study in a couple of weeks. Then our adoption lawyer & agency will fill out and file all the proper paper work and we will wait for a court date for the finalization! Can't wait for that day when it all becomes official!

We have been informed both birth parents rights have been relinquished already. Getting that call was an odd feeling of relief. Adoption is such a unique situation to be in. Full of a whole potpourri of emotions and thoughts.

We have kept in touch with the birth mom but just this last month she has started not responding. I've read and heard from others who have gone through adoption that this is normal for them to pull away and begin again in their next chapter of life. But I will admit it makes us sad and we think of her all the time. We really don't want to loose contact all together. We see her in his sweet face everyday. She is in our prayers. We want only the best for her and welcome communication with her again soon when she is ready.

We've had a couple more meetings of the adoption support group I started and it's always so great to meet with others who understand the journey of adoption. Especially nice to see how sweet and well adjusted the kids are. Our last meet up was at a park for a family playdate and potluck. We met a couple who are still in the waiting process. Wow! I was glad to realize that we have loads of good info and advice to share with them. I remember how hard the waiting was. It is what makes me never take for granted how blessed we are.

I will try to keep up more regularly and let you know about the finalization!

Here is some proof of the cuteness of Mason! When he smiles... well there really aren't any words to properly describe the happiness I feel!

Back to enjoying time with my adorable son and handsome husband!

he's home now

I'll write a longer post later I'm sure, but having our son home and in our arms is an incredible, indescribable feeling. As every parent knows, every minute is true magic.

Please welcome, Mason Blake Sanders to our lives!!

 He was born on December 17, 2009 at 10:27pm. Weighing all of 5 lbs and 1 oz and at 18 inches.  He is perfect and healthy so handsome! We love him so much. We are eternally grateful to our sweet birthmom.
He's coming home today!!!

why is Luke's last name Skywalker?

Glenn here.

I've seen the original Star Wars Trilogy like a billion times. And yet one morning this week as I was getting ready for work did a new thought about the films suddenly pop into my head. This very week. After 30+ years of exploring and obsessing over every tiny facet. The subject line says it all:

Why is Luke's last name Skywalker?

In broad strokes (and without getting into too much of the detail "revealed" in the prequel trilogy, which I don't really consider on the same level as the originals), Luke and Leia are twins whose father is Darth Vader. Yoda and Obi-Wan separate them and scatter them to the far edges of the galaxy to spare them the fate of being killed by, or worse, raised by, the evil Dark Lord. Leia is handed over to a prominent Galactic Senator, and her name is Princess Leia Organa. Luke is brought to Owen and Beru Lars, childless farmers on the desert planet of Tattooine. But no one calls him Luke Lars. His name is Luke Skywalker.

OK, so maybe it's a detail I did think of before (you would not believe the conversations I've had about the minutia of Star Wars over the years), but it never struck me with such resonance as it did today. Luke and Leia are adopted out to save them from the Dark Side of the Force. And yet, bizarrely, despite the fact that everyone in the galaxy knows that Anakin Skywalker turned into Darth Vader, and Yoda went into hiding in a remote swamp, and even Obi-Wan changed his name to disguise his presence, Luke remains openly a Skywalker. He calls his adoptive father, who's literally Darth Vader's brother, Uncle Owen. It shouldn't have taken the Empire more than a couple weeks to figure out that there's a Skywalker kid on Tattooine, the very planet that old Darthy himself was born on. That's like the worst witness protection program ever. Really, all they had to do is just change the baby's name and not ship it off to the most obvious place to look for a Skywalker.

By now I've probably lost anyone who's not as intimately familiar with these movies, so I'll bring it back to point. Which is that I've been noticing a lot more lately how the media treats adoption. The message time and again is that adoptive parents aren't the "real" parents, and only a reunion with the "real" (read: birth) parents will make the child complete. Star Wars is only an extreme example of that. But even in this age of open adoption, this belief persists with shows like "Find My Family" (as if to suggest that the adoptive family isn't "theirs" but just a proxy for the true family).

Now this is a complex topic, and can't be resolved by using more examples from sci-fi movies. But it seems to me that the continuation of this belief system tends to do more harm than good when it comes to people's beliefs about adoption. It appears to be a holdover from the days, not so long gone, when adoption was a hush-hush thing that you didn't reveal to your child until she was "old enough to understand" (as if there's ever a good moment to drop a sudden, often devastating bombshell like that). In a sense, we put adoption in the back of the attic with all the rest of the family secrets that we don't talk about in polite company.

Increasingly, that's changing, and the "professionals" are finding that integrating a child's adoption story into his life from an early age, as something that's just a fact of life - not to be hidden away - leads to a far more healthy child from a psychological standpoint. It takes the teeth out of adoption when it's treated as just another way to create a family, and not just a last resort for desperate parents.

For our part, we don't exactly how much, but our Birthmom will be a part of our, and our child's life, forever. That doesn't mean she'll help us raise Junior, but in a sense she will, because her presence - even as a photo in his room - will serve to normalize something that in our recent history was treated as shameful. I'm not suggesting the little guy won't have issues around his adoption, but we'll never have to hide it, or keep it secret, or pretend it didn't really happen, or strategize for the perfect moment when he's 8 or 10 or 20 to reveal that he was born from another mother. And really, because he's the child of a white woman and an African-American man, it's going to be pretty hard to keep something like that a secret past the day when he notices our skin color doesn't match up perfectly.

A friend and former boss of mine (if she's reading this now, she knows who she is) revealed shortly after we first started telling people we were going to adopt, that she was adopted. I was surprised, because I didn't know that I knew any adopted people. But also very heartened by it. As we've been on this journey, I've often sought out signs that adopted kids are just as happy and normal as biological kids (or just as unhappy in so-called normal ways, as we've all had our issues). Along with the research I've done, this friend completely assuaged all those fears just by being one of the most awesome people I know. She recently responded to someone posting about how much they loved the reunion scene at the end of "Find My Family" by writing (paraphrased): "Adoptive babies love their adoptive mommies and daddies, no reunion necessary."

I'm not suggesting it's all going to be a perfectly easy path we're taking - heck, our path has been anything but easy. But it's good to know that in the real world of adoption, not the fake Hollywood world, you don't have to spend your life hoping your kid never finds out the truth, because the truth is right out in the open.

And all that said, I don't think Star Wars would have been half as cool if the hero was named Luke Lars, Jedi Knight.

A new kind of waiting.

Our birthmom has been having contractions on and off for the last week. Though they are most likely Braxton Hicks which are not the real McCoy. Just getting her ready for the real deal. They do hurt and she has been having a hard time sleeping during the night and then sleeps during the day.  Oh boy! That means, that will be the little guy's schedule when he comes out!
It could be any day now!  Wow!
As we lite the candles on our Menorah for the first night of Hanukkah, I can't help to think about sharing the wonderful tradition with him and telling him the story of the Maccabee's and the miracle of the oil lasting the extra 7 days.  I love the holidays and look forward to them being even more magical with our son around to enjoy them.
I have my cell phone with me every where, even when I go to the bathroom!! Every time it rings, my heart leaps out of my chest. I have butterflies all the time!
We've been waiting a very long time for our baby and this last stretch of it is a whole new kind of feeling!  It's a good one!! Exciting times!!! Eager anticipation!
Happy Hanukkah!!

It could be anyday.

A perfect time for a miracle!!  Either during the 8 days during the Festival of lights and during Christmas time!! Wow!  Fingers & toes crossed. Excited and trying to trust that all is well and will be well for everyone.

it's the final countdown

Glenn here.

Remember that awesome 80's song "The Final Countdown" by Europe? No? Then here:

The Final Countdown (Album Version)

Now have that on in the background as you read this. It'll be stuck in your head all day regardless.

So as Angie wrote in her post, the sonogram from about 2 weeks ago showed a healthy baby boy with about 4-6 weeks left to cook. Yesterday, a follow-up sonogram showed significant growth, and an overall checkup of Birthmom left the OB/GYN telling Angie and Birthmom that she'd be very surprised if the kid stayed in the room til Christmas. She then specified that it could be within the next 2 weeks. 2 weeks! So yeah, it's definitely the final countdown.

We've got a few pieces of business to take care in the short meantime. I'm going to be installing the car seats (finally). We have to buy a bunch of little things, organize a bunch of little things, and throw out a bunch of little things. It's going to be a busy and exciting next couple weeks as we prepare. And, to quote the doc, "it could happen any day now." In fact, Friday night Angie took Birthmom to the ER with some intense Brazton Hicks, which I'm sure she'll write all about. Thankfully, all was well. We want our little guy safe, sound, and fully baked. Just hang in there a couple more weeks, young fellow.

Another thing I've suddenly discovered is a series of awesome albums that will help indoctrinate our child into our favorite music while still being baby friendly. I may post them as Amazon affiliate links when I get a chance, so I'll hold off on mentioning them now. So while we await our own special little package, I may also be sending another special little package. Of music. Man, that's a pained metaphor.

In the midst of all this, our dog Vivian caught a nasty stomach bug. After Angie got home from the ER at around 3am Saturday morning, Viv started puking and didn't stop til we got her to the vet a few hours later. An IV and some helpful drugs, and she seemed to be doing fine til Sunday night when she started up again. So I spent half my Monday in the vet, as he tried to figure out what's going on. We get blood test results this morning, so hopefully it's nothing more serious than just a really bad bug that'll quickly dry up. The worst part is we can't give her anything to eat or drink, and when you look in those big brown eyes you really want to at least let her get a sip of water. But doctor's orders. A little bit of discomfort now is better than a much worse situation in the long run. We've been stressed about Vivian (and our other dog Indiana is confused and stressed too), but we realized this is just another test to prepare us for parenthood.

Ultimately, I believe the dog's going to be fine, the baby's going to come when he's darn good and ready, and we'll have all the little things done that we need to get done.

It's a match!

It's been a whirlwind these last couple of weeks. The birthmom we met with, CHOSE US!! We have been matched, as they say in the adoption world.


She is local, so we've been able to spend time with her and get to know her. I'm so grateful for that, so we can tell our baby all about her. It will be an open adoption, with pictures, phone calls, letters and some visits too. We want whatever is best for the baby!

I was able to go with her and saw the ultrasound. She and the baby are healthy. It's a BOY!!! He was actually moving his little hands and playing peek-a-boo during the sonogram! So amazing! We also get to be there when she's delivers him. Wow! Can't wait!!


It's exciting but also a little scary. As you know, with adoption, it's not official until the papers are signed and the baby is in our home. But we feel really good about this and sense this is going to happen. He is due the end of the month or early January! So we have been very busy organizing and making more room for baby!

It's such an odd feeling, that there was this young woman who was a stranger and is now one of the most important people in our lives! We have a new found love and affection for her and want the best for her too. We are eternally grateful to her and have such respect for her strength for all she's been through and to come to this decision to choose adoption and extremely glad she chose us to parent her child.

We appreciate all the love and support we have received from everyone. It was a special Thanksgiving with much to give thanks for. How wonderful next holiday season we'll be enjoying them with our son! Our son!!?? Wow!! It's still so surreal and hard to believe. But I do believe. I believe!

Holding pattern.

I want to say so much (which I know I usually do) but this time it's hard to put it into words. I'm so full of emotions. Having the chance to meet with a potential birthmom was intense, lovely, sweet, sad, hopeful, amazing, and a whole list of other descriptive words that I can't seem to find right now. She was just so.. real. Right there in front of us. With her big belly full of a live, kicking baby. It was active alot of the time during the meeting and it was so surreal. I wanted to reach across the table and feel it and ask so many questions. But I refrained. I felt the best thing to do would just try to keep it light for the first meeting. Make it more about getting to know each other and not focus on the baby and try to sell her on what amazing parents we would be. Now in retrospect, I wonder if that was the right thing to do.

We had no guidelines of the dos and donts for this kind of situation. We just winged it. We were told by some other birth moms that I've met on the adoption forums I've become a part of, to let her lead. But she was so quiet most of the time. Her two friends who were there for support, asked most of the questions and were just great and so helpful and open and just delightful ladies. I guess she felt shy, which I can understand.

Did we say too much? Too little? I know all we could do was be ourselves but it's hard not to keep re-thinking it all and replaying all that was said and wonder if I should have something different or more or less.

The result as of right now, is she has asked for more time to think about it. Now I feel so vulnerable and raw. But want to focus on all that we have to be grateful for.

I just can't help thinking of her though. No matter what happens, I want her to be happy and do well in life. She was so sweet and talk about vulnerable. Please! I have nothing to complain about. Our life is so good. She has to make the most difficult decision of her life. I totally respect that and she should take all the time she needs. Absolutely! It's important that everyone feel 100% about everything.

So, once again. We wait. We're in limbo. We're in a holding pattern.

first birthmother meeting

Glenn here.

having just had our first meeting with a birthmother, and no clue what the results will be, I did notice a couple things that I keep thinking about.

first and most importantly, it seemed to me to be more about trying to see a connection between the moms - meaning her and Angie. knowing that this person has had a difficult past, and good reasons not to trust, I tried to not be too forceful in trying to connect with her or even make eye contact, which may sound strange but really wasn't. it felt like giving her her space. but Angie was able to break some of those barriers a little bit more so - more direct conversation and questions, and even a hug at the end. I shook her hand. but I was ultimately most hopeful that Angie's energy and spirit would make the connection. no clue whether it did, only time will tell.

secondly, as a writer I've often read (and been taught) that good dialogue has subtext - meaning people say one thing and really mean another. bad dialogue is just saying it on the nose. for example, "I'm crazy about you" has less meaning and depth than "I really like that shirt you're wearing" (when you want to be professing your love). this was a dinner that was all subtext and hidden meaning, and very little open discussion of the matter at hand. mostly by intention, but partly by situation. it was a scene that had crazy depth to it... we talked about everything and anything but the reason we were all there, and yet everyone knew that was really the discussion at hand.

as a creative person, I imagine myself someday channeling all these experiences into something fictional (and somehow entertaining)... no idea what form that would take, but if I were to ever attempt to circle around a moment like this, it wouldn't take much adaptation to make it a truly powerful scene. strangely, living it was slightly less emotional than the thought of witnessing someone else living it, which when I think about it seems exceptionally poignant. complete strangers coming together in hopes that the pains and loss of the past might somehow be redeemed with an act of love towards a being that doesn't even technically exist yet. but in the end it was just a dinner with an uncertain outcome.

amazing how this journey has brought us into situations that we never thought possible. all we can do now is hope and wait, as we've been doing for years, only it seems a lot more intense at the moment.

A big meeting!!

We are meeting with a birthmother tonight!! We are meeting with a birthmother tonight!!! I have to say it twice because I still can't believe it myself. We are finally at this point in the process. I know nothing is set in stone until the papers are signed and the baby is in our home. But I am so excited to meet this young lady and let her know how much respect I have for her. I just hope I don't burst into tears when I see her and freak her out!! :)
Glenn & I are nervous, sure, but actually feeling good and know all we can do is just be ourselves and be in the moment and listen to her and answer all her questions and let her know how much we care about her and how we will love her baby more than anything else. We want to get to know each her and see if there is a connection and if we are a match! I sure hope so. I really do. It would so amazing to have our baby before the end of the year!! Wow! Okay. I'm breathing. All is well. Here we go!

What a journey!

Oh, life! you unpredictable and amazing thing! I have been doing much thinking and feeling these last couple of days and I realize though adoption may not be an ordinary thing, it is so extraordinary.  I may not get an expanded waistline from being pregnant, but my mind, spirit and heart have been forever expanded from this whole process. It really is making me a better person. I have looked deeper at my own insecurities, judgments and feelings about my myself and others. I'm so grateful that we are on the adoption journey! Still so much more to experience, for sure but I am enjoying the ride. All the ups and downs are worth it. I am all about growing and being the best person I can be and this has certainly forced me to do more of that and I'm glad.

Hope, faith, wishes, dreams & knowing for sure.

I'm sure you've heard the expression, "Don't get your hopes up." or, "Have faith." Or, "You gotta have hope." Well, which is it? It's all of those things when waiting to be matched and chosen by a birth mother for adoption. All the different words and saying,evoke different reactions for different situations. When someone makes a makes a wish, someone else usually says, "I hope it comes true." So, is wishing and hoping the same thing or different?
I need hope to keep going on, but if we get to being presented to a another birth mom, we don't want to get our hopes up. But we always have faith the right situation will come to us at the right time. It is actually such a delicate situation and so emotional. I believe Glenn & I handle it all pretty well. But there are times it just all gets to me and I wonder am I handling it well, or just hiding it well and pushing it all under the rug? If I go to that emotional place, it feels like it will overwhelm me sometimes. To dream, to wish for it to happen now and to not have to wait anymore almost seems so distant, yet feels so close it scares me. If we are chosen, then get to the next phase and have the amazing opportunity to meet with a birthmom, I will just be beside myself!! Talk about overwhelmed!!! So, I try to stay in each moment, breath and allow myself to feel whatever I need and just enjoy life. I do know we will be parents. I keep saying that, but I will be totally honest, I hate not knowing when and I am getting weary of it. I am getting impatient and want to have our baby before the new year. This is my hope, my wish, my dream. I know it will come true.

November is National Adoption Awarness Month

The Adoptive Parents Group I started now officially has 23 members. Though, each in-person meet up we have, only a small amount can attend. I'm so proud of it and have come to realize that the subject of adoption is my new passion. I want to do more. So, in honor of National Adoption Awareness month, I've thinking about trying to speak on it at different places and write about it more and to get out there and inform others about the whole unique, yet extraordinary journey of adoption.
I look forward to the group tomorrow. And look forward to what I might accomplish with this new found desire to share what I have learned and will continue to learn about the process of adoption with others.
Here I go!!

Happy Halloween! 2009

I was so excited about Halloween this year. I already know that we get tons of trick or treaters, so we got ready for them. We decorated the house up nice & fun. We even boomed scary music out our window! We had steady groups of kids for 3 hours and actually ran out of candy right at the end. Better for us, so we don't eat the left overs!
I just read my post from last year's Halloween and how we thought that we might have a baby this year. Well, it looks like it will be next year now. Yes, that makes me sad. We both long to take our child out to enjoy this special holiday. It will happen. We just choose to keep enjoying life as we wait.  That's makes us better parents and individuals.

Hope you enjoy these fun photos of us celebrating this fun and scary night. 

Our baby shower.

I've been meaning to post on this here blog all week but have been busy doing laundry and getting things organized. Cleaning and folding the cute little clothes, socks, hats, blankets, towels, etc. that belong to our future baby. It's been so fun and brings me such joy.

My long time friend and mother to my God son threw us a very nice baby shower last Sunday. Others friends gave her much needed assistance. Thanks to Dana for opening her home and working so hard. And to Kari for all her hard work and contribution. To Polly & Noah for the amazing, creative decorations. To Lauren, Tracy, Sam, Stephanie, Mary, Monica and all the many others who also helped with food and their time and efforts to make it a special day. It was a couples and family welcome day. Perfect Los Angeles weather to enjoy Dana's sweet backyard. There was a fun kids zone to play and create. Silly games and prizes. Yummy food and gifts! All and all it was just a good time! We are so grateful and so touched by all the love and support we felt from everyone that was there. Missed all those that were not, but were in spirit.

To Glenn & I, having a shower before being matched feels like a great way to affirm we know it is happening and to manifest us being chosen and receiving our baby in our home. Since we are getting a newborn, being prepared by having all we need, gives us peace of mind. We'll be in the, "we're so tired, aren't getting any sleep, but it's the best feeling every mode" dealing with our new arrival, we will not be much up to organizing and arranging all the little and big bulky things needed to make baby's life more full and happy. So, having the room and all our ducks in a row is just so comforting. We even got ducks. Rubber and stuffed!

Folding the tiny little clothes and putting them in their right place is an indescribable feeling. The wonder of what our baby will look like, will smell like. Imagining how they will feel in my arms is just so lovely to experience. The real thing will be even better, of course! I wonder how much they will weigh, how many inches long will they be. All the normal things that a mom-to-be feels. It's so exciting!!

After I was all done, I sat back in the glider rocking chair and looked all around and just breathed it all in. I held the Elmo doll (a great shower gift!) like a baby, cuddling in my arms, and the dogs were very curious and standing up to see what I was doing and what was in my arms. Our youngest dog Indiana seemed jealous and wanted to jump into my lap too. So, it's good training to do with them to help get them prepared. Their perfect world will be rocked and forever changed too. All for the better, is my intent but I know it will be a challenging adjustment for the dogs and cats, as well as us too. But we are aware of what's to happen. They don't really know what to expect. They certainly can sense something is going on. But they all love to hang out in the baby's room already. It's the brightest, cheeriest room in our house. I have faith they will love and want to protect the baby as much as we do.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We are ready. Ready to receive and love our child. I have such an attitude of gratitude!

All is well and peaceful in the Sanders home. It will be even better SOON!!!

Haven't Met You Yet.

I heard the end of this song on the radio yesterday and had to look up the lyrics. I'm sure it wasn't Michael Buble's intent, but I related it to our whole journey to become parents and now waiting to be matched with a birth family and our baby. I'm sure you'll understand why. Here are the lyrics. (It's a fun catchy tune too.)

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

What is open adoption?

* Open adoption is about honoring the connection adoptees have to both of their families.
* Open adoption recognizes the rewards and joys of adoption.
* Open adoption recognizes the losses and grief of adoption.
* Open adoption does not diminish one family in favor of another.
* Open adoption is flexible, understanding that needs and circumstances change.
* Open adoption sets boundaries on the basis of what is best for the child in question.
* Open adoption looks like different things for different families.
* Open adoption is about commitment and sharing and love.

From: http://openadoptionsupport.com/

People really do not understand the process of adoption and how painful and challenging it is for waiting adoptive parents. They can make you feel like such an outsider, like you are wrong and so different from everyone other parent. I guess we are, really. I want to scream at some and shake them. But that is against the law. Don't want to end up in jail when my baby arrives!! Ha Ha. We have to laugh about it all or we will go insane! Trying to keep strong about it all!

The adoption books and articles in Adoption Families say we will have to be the educators of adoption for people in our lives and even strangers and I'm finding out it's so true. Strangers I don't care so much about because they don't matter in my everyday life. It's those that I love and have been a part of my life for so long that can hurt me.

Plus it's a rainy day her in Los Angeles, CA. Makes me want to curl up in bed and pull the covers over my eyes. Sending love and support to all my adoptive parent pals. You are the only ones who really understand. I didn't realize adopting would change and effect my friendships. I guess maybe I expected it would be easier. Makes me sad! Most of my friends and my family have been great. I have to focus on the positive but it's just hard when I get hurt. I need time to process it.

Thank goodness for my best friend, my husband.