We've dotted every i and crossed every t, and now we settle in for the Big Wait.
But we're not just sitting on our hands, we're starting to prep the house for our eventual new arrival. As Angie has said many a time, it's like being pregnant but not knowing how long it will take.
Last weekend, I started the process of clearing the office so it can also become a guest room, to let the now guest room become the baby's room. The first thing I did was clean up my old desktop PC of any leftover files, then broke it down, salvaged all the parts that are useful, and dropped it off at an e-cycling place. With the box, keyboard, monitor, and speakers gone, there's a surprising amount more room in the office. I'm not sorry to see the PC era end in our house, as I'm now a Mac devotee (much to the shock of "2003 Glenn").
We have an open space under our stairs that is blocked by the sofa. Until now it's just been a blank area, gathering dust. But we have to get rid of some bookshelves in the office, so I took a couple small collapsing shelves we had against the living room window, moved them under the stairs, and put all my writing books, Angie's acting books and plays, and our spirituality stuff on those shelves. Now that space feels like a cozy little book nook, and I could even see putting an area rug back there. Someday it'll be a great spot for a play area for our child, as it kinda feels like a secret fort.
Next is figuring out what to do with the two desks. My mom gave us an idea of taking off the sliding doors to the closet in the baby's room to open the space up, and I think we'll do that in the office as well, so perhaps the rolltop will go in the closet. I like both desks a lot for different reasons, and can't imagine getting rid of either one. By ousting 2 of the 3 bookshelves, and the cat tree that's falling apart, plus moving a desk into the closet area, I think we could even fit a small couch, daybed, or futon in the office.
We're managing to secure a lot of needed furniture from friends and family, but are also digging through craigslist to find anything else we might want. The big necessity is a changing table or dresser, or combination of both.
We moved the bed in the baby's room to the corner and filled the bookshelf in there with all the kids' books Angie's collected over the years. No shortage of books in our house, that's for sure. I always think books make a house feel like a home. And I find homes without books to feel kind of sterile and empty.
Two weeks ago we went to the local library and even checked out some books, several on adoption. One of them is a compilation of adoption parent stories that we've been reading to each other when it's not too late at night. It's all certainly making us feel more and more the reality of the situation - both the benefits and challenges of adoption.
There's lots for us to do as we wait, so that it doesn't feel so... "waity."
1/24/09
It's becoming apparent that we will be parents.
First off, Happy New Year! I'm feeling so excited about 2009. This will be the year we become parents. So much has happened already. I felt so proud of my country as we welcomed our new president into office. It was such a thrilling day to see all the people who weathered the cold to be there in person on the mall in Washington D.C. I'm so grateful that our child will come into the world with a man like Barack Obama as our leader. It was a day that I will not soon forget. It was a spectacular moment in history! One that instilled me with so much hope. Hope for the future.
We got final approval for adoption and are officially in "the book" for birth mothers to choose from. We met with our new social worker who we just clicked with and are so glad she will be on this journey with us. I will admit that I was a little nervous on our way to meet her, not knowing what she would be like and feeling such an importance in her role in our life. But I felt so comfortable with her right away. She told us that we got our home study completed in record time. That some people take a year just to get all their paper work done. We were too eager for any fooling around and got to action fast. She also said that our Family Profile was exceptional too. It's good to hear because we worked so hard on all the details and shared so openly about ourselves. She also told us there are things we can do to connect with potential birth moms by putting the word out to all we know. Because you never know if you will know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone and so on who may know a woman investigating the option of adoption. I already called my OB/GYN about it and will make more calls to all our doctors.
I wrote our "Dear Birth Mom" letter recently and that was very emotional. Such an odd, yet amazing process it was. Here I was writing to a total stranger that could potentially venture into such an intimate and unique relationship with us. When I wrote about what kind of parents we would be, it just felt so real and exciting. When Glenn read the letter he got emotional also. I was a little worried about writing it and even thought I should just have Glenn do it since he's the better writer between us, but I just felt the inspiration one night and wrote it in one sitting. It came from my heart and I felt very proud of it. Of course, Glenn proofread it.
I know it will be full of challenges but I also know that we will make such wonderful parents. It's something we were both born to be! No doubt about it. And now as it could happen any time between now and 6 months, so many of our thoughts and conversations are geared towards our future as parents.
We want everything to be ready for him or her when they arrive, so we are starting that process. We are also discussing what to say and do when it comes to how we want to handle telling the details of the birth mom and the actual adoption story to others. Part of the reason I wanted to write this blog was to share the process with family and friends and anyone else interested in the amazing journey of adoption. But now as it grows nearer, our parental protective instincts are kicking in. We want to do the very best thing for our child. So that is why we are doing much research and reading all we can from other adoptive parents and children and also from experts in the field. We feel it's best to not share intimate details about the birth mom's situation or history or how the process may unfold with anyone other than our child. It should remain their story to decide to tell when they are older. We know how much those that love us will understand and support this decision because it is best for our child. So, even though we normally are very open people, there comes a time when some things are just better left in the "it's personal" file. This is one of them. It will remain between us, our baby, the birth mom and our social worker. We are still going to blog and share more information about our journey, we just felt best to put that out there now.
Knowing that our baby may come at anytime, I've decided to make a change for the better by getting in better shape so I will have more energy when the baby comes. Especially in my upper body, since I'll be doing a lot of holding and cuddling the wee one. I'll be slinging him or her around with me where ever I go. I won't want want to let them go! I can't wait! I'm also reading books on how to better train and prepare our dogs for when the baby arrives. I'll post more on that another time.
Until next time.
We got final approval for adoption and are officially in "the book" for birth mothers to choose from. We met with our new social worker who we just clicked with and are so glad she will be on this journey with us. I will admit that I was a little nervous on our way to meet her, not knowing what she would be like and feeling such an importance in her role in our life. But I felt so comfortable with her right away. She told us that we got our home study completed in record time. That some people take a year just to get all their paper work done. We were too eager for any fooling around and got to action fast. She also said that our Family Profile was exceptional too. It's good to hear because we worked so hard on all the details and shared so openly about ourselves. She also told us there are things we can do to connect with potential birth moms by putting the word out to all we know. Because you never know if you will know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone and so on who may know a woman investigating the option of adoption. I already called my OB/GYN about it and will make more calls to all our doctors.
I wrote our "Dear Birth Mom" letter recently and that was very emotional. Such an odd, yet amazing process it was. Here I was writing to a total stranger that could potentially venture into such an intimate and unique relationship with us. When I wrote about what kind of parents we would be, it just felt so real and exciting. When Glenn read the letter he got emotional also. I was a little worried about writing it and even thought I should just have Glenn do it since he's the better writer between us, but I just felt the inspiration one night and wrote it in one sitting. It came from my heart and I felt very proud of it. Of course, Glenn proofread it.
I know it will be full of challenges but I also know that we will make such wonderful parents. It's something we were both born to be! No doubt about it. And now as it could happen any time between now and 6 months, so many of our thoughts and conversations are geared towards our future as parents.
We want everything to be ready for him or her when they arrive, so we are starting that process. We are also discussing what to say and do when it comes to how we want to handle telling the details of the birth mom and the actual adoption story to others. Part of the reason I wanted to write this blog was to share the process with family and friends and anyone else interested in the amazing journey of adoption. But now as it grows nearer, our parental protective instincts are kicking in. We want to do the very best thing for our child. So that is why we are doing much research and reading all we can from other adoptive parents and children and also from experts in the field. We feel it's best to not share intimate details about the birth mom's situation or history or how the process may unfold with anyone other than our child. It should remain their story to decide to tell when they are older. We know how much those that love us will understand and support this decision because it is best for our child. So, even though we normally are very open people, there comes a time when some things are just better left in the "it's personal" file. This is one of them. It will remain between us, our baby, the birth mom and our social worker. We are still going to blog and share more information about our journey, we just felt best to put that out there now.
Knowing that our baby may come at anytime, I've decided to make a change for the better by getting in better shape so I will have more energy when the baby comes. Especially in my upper body, since I'll be doing a lot of holding and cuddling the wee one. I'll be slinging him or her around with me where ever I go. I won't want want to let them go! I can't wait! I'm also reading books on how to better train and prepare our dogs for when the baby arrives. I'll post more on that another time.
Until next time.
some progress!
The new year has already started quite well with regards to our adoption journey.
We received notice that our home study was officially completed and approved, and we're now "in the system." This was on the first Friday of the new year.
Then we found out who our social worker for the placement process will be. This past week, we met with her. She said most parents don't ask to meet with her, so it was a bit unusual to have an in-person meeting. But she took an hour and a half with us, answered all our questions and then some, and made us feel even more excited and hopeful about our adventure. She's the perfect match to help us - very friendly, open, talkative. And she loves Coffee Bean. We think she'll be a great ally in this next phase.
So a lot of folks have been asking, what is the next phase? Do we just sit and wait for someone to "pick" us?
The answer is yes and no. We're not auditioning for the role of parents (even though it feels like it sometimes), and the prospective birth mothers don't get a giant encyclopedia of waiting parents to weed through. The social worker meets with the birth parents, learns what they feel comfortable with, and then determines which adoptive parents from her roster of clients most closely fit the bill. Sometimes it's a specific attribute, like religion or family life - and sometimes it's a gut feeling, something intangible. Then the social worker gets the adoptive parents involved, and they all work together to make sure the situation is right for everyone - especially the child. These matches can happen very quickly or take months, and sometimes matches that look promising don't happen at all even late into the process.
So there is an element of waiting - a very large element. But we can also do some outreach ourselves. We are considering some advertising options, but more likely will be looking to friends, family, and the larger community to see if we can find a birth mother on our own. Our social worker encouraged us to put it out there - so if you reading this can think of someone who might know someone who might be a birth mother considering adoption... please get in touch with us. We'll be looking to some of the people we know who are involved in social work, or volunteering, or health care.
We're both getting more excited every day, and are talking about how to really transform the guest bedroom into the baby's room (which will require making changes to the office and our bedroom as well). We spent some time at the library today and got some more books on adoption, parenting adoptive kids, etc. The reality is sinking in that sooner, rather than later, we will be bringing a new child into our hearts and lives forever. I even told my coworkers, so they wouldn't be surprised if suddenly one day I had to take some time off for a new baby.
Which brings me to my next point. We're generally very open people, tend to not keep secrets, wear our hearts on our sleeves, and often give out more information than is really necessary. But with respect to our adoption, we must for the sake of our child, set some informational boundaries. Our child's birth story, whatever the details, belong to him or her alone. We, as parents, are merely the keepers of that story. But what we cannot do is be cavalier about it, for a million different reasons. So the reality is, for our friends and family, we are planning to keep that story to ourselves. It's not because we don't trust you, it's because it's simply not our decision to make. We just ask that you be understanding and respectful of that.
All of which is to say that it feels more real than ever now, and all the more exciting.
We received notice that our home study was officially completed and approved, and we're now "in the system." This was on the first Friday of the new year.
Then we found out who our social worker for the placement process will be. This past week, we met with her. She said most parents don't ask to meet with her, so it was a bit unusual to have an in-person meeting. But she took an hour and a half with us, answered all our questions and then some, and made us feel even more excited and hopeful about our adventure. She's the perfect match to help us - very friendly, open, talkative. And she loves Coffee Bean. We think she'll be a great ally in this next phase.
So a lot of folks have been asking, what is the next phase? Do we just sit and wait for someone to "pick" us?
The answer is yes and no. We're not auditioning for the role of parents (even though it feels like it sometimes), and the prospective birth mothers don't get a giant encyclopedia of waiting parents to weed through. The social worker meets with the birth parents, learns what they feel comfortable with, and then determines which adoptive parents from her roster of clients most closely fit the bill. Sometimes it's a specific attribute, like religion or family life - and sometimes it's a gut feeling, something intangible. Then the social worker gets the adoptive parents involved, and they all work together to make sure the situation is right for everyone - especially the child. These matches can happen very quickly or take months, and sometimes matches that look promising don't happen at all even late into the process.
So there is an element of waiting - a very large element. But we can also do some outreach ourselves. We are considering some advertising options, but more likely will be looking to friends, family, and the larger community to see if we can find a birth mother on our own. Our social worker encouraged us to put it out there - so if you reading this can think of someone who might know someone who might be a birth mother considering adoption... please get in touch with us. We'll be looking to some of the people we know who are involved in social work, or volunteering, or health care.
We're both getting more excited every day, and are talking about how to really transform the guest bedroom into the baby's room (which will require making changes to the office and our bedroom as well). We spent some time at the library today and got some more books on adoption, parenting adoptive kids, etc. The reality is sinking in that sooner, rather than later, we will be bringing a new child into our hearts and lives forever. I even told my coworkers, so they wouldn't be surprised if suddenly one day I had to take some time off for a new baby.
Which brings me to my next point. We're generally very open people, tend to not keep secrets, wear our hearts on our sleeves, and often give out more information than is really necessary. But with respect to our adoption, we must for the sake of our child, set some informational boundaries. Our child's birth story, whatever the details, belong to him or her alone. We, as parents, are merely the keepers of that story. But what we cannot do is be cavalier about it, for a million different reasons. So the reality is, for our friends and family, we are planning to keep that story to ourselves. It's not because we don't trust you, it's because it's simply not our decision to make. We just ask that you be understanding and respectful of that.
All of which is to say that it feels more real than ever now, and all the more exciting.
12/31/08
Ready to welcome the New Year.
Here it is New Year's Eve and I'm feeling very happy and excited! I got over my pre-holiday blues. Was glad to express and release them. Now I'm optimistic and eager for all that will happen in the new year! Having time off and being with my husband to truly connect and enjoy each other's company has been the best gift of all this holiday season!! I am so grateful for the love we share and I know without a shadow of a doubt what a wonderful team we make and that we will be amazing parents!
2008 has been a year filled with many ups and downs but we got through it. We are stronger and even more committed to each other. We're so blessed.
Nine has always been my one of my lucky numbers. (Seven & thirteen the others.) So, I have really good feelings about 2009 and all it will bring. The number one thing being a baby for us to love and raise.
As I bid adeiu to 2008, I can say I've learned much and have no regrets. As I am now ready to welcome 2009 I look forward to the future. My only resolution is to learn to live in each moment as it is happening. To not focus on the past or obsess over the future. Moment by moment. The power of now. That's what it is all about!! That will help so much as we wait to become parents. I have faith. All is well and as it should be.
I wish everyone a blessed, peaceful, prosperous, joyful new year!!!
2008 has been a year filled with many ups and downs but we got through it. We are stronger and even more committed to each other. We're so blessed.
Nine has always been my one of my lucky numbers. (Seven & thirteen the others.) So, I have really good feelings about 2009 and all it will bring. The number one thing being a baby for us to love and raise.
As I bid adeiu to 2008, I can say I've learned much and have no regrets. As I am now ready to welcome 2009 I look forward to the future. My only resolution is to learn to live in each moment as it is happening. To not focus on the past or obsess over the future. Moment by moment. The power of now. That's what it is all about!! That will help so much as we wait to become parents. I have faith. All is well and as it should be.
I wish everyone a blessed, peaceful, prosperous, joyful new year!!!
12/10/08
Dealing with the Holidays
I've been wanting to write for a while but was just not able to find the right words. I'm a big fan of the holiday season. It is usually one of my favorite times of the year. But I must admit, I've been feeling blue this year. For most of the posts I've written so far, I'm usually positive and optimistic. That's the kind of person I am, most of the time anyway. But time to be really honest, and that's why I've been reluctant to write lately, not having our baby here with us to love and celebrate just fills me with sadness. This year is especially hard because it was a year ago on Christmas Eve morning that I had our third miscarriage. A year later and still no baby. We've still been trying the old fashioned way but no luck and now we have to wait for a match for our adoption. I know we will be parents and know that will be the happiest day of our lives!! But right now, I feel the longing. I feel the hole in my heart. Where ever I go, I see parents out shopping for gifts for their children. I see kids getting all excited about Christmas. I want to be a part of that so badly! It's a physical ache!
We spent Thanksgiving with my hubby's family in Arizona. His older sister has three kids. One is just 3 months. She is beautiful and just a sweetheart. I love all my nieces and nephews and always love to be with them. I have to admit though this trip was filled with a mixture of emotions. It was bittersweet to hold the baby. It filled me with love and hope and also filled me with sadness and longing for one of my own. I'm so grateful that Glenn and I can talk about everything and we help each other to get through it. I feel bad and guilty sometimes because I want to be strong and together. I want everyone to think I'm handling it all so well. But part of the reason I wanted to write this blog was to help me get through the process better and to maybe help others going through the same thing. So, honesty is vital for that to work. So, cards on the table... Sometimes it really sucks!! I've decorated the house for Christmas & Hanukkah but I'm not really looking forward to them. There will be moments of joy but always deep inside that hole will still be there inside me.
When my sweet, generous friends ask, "What do you want or need for a present this year?" all I can say is "I want a baby." Plain and simple. I want to build our baby fund so we can afford the adoption. But there is nothing else in the material world that will bring me the peace and happiness of the season this year. I know it sounds bleak and I hate feeling this way but it's just how I'm feeling tonight. There is always joy to be had and life to be lived but for tonight I'm feeling blue.
We spent Thanksgiving with my hubby's family in Arizona. His older sister has three kids. One is just 3 months. She is beautiful and just a sweetheart. I love all my nieces and nephews and always love to be with them. I have to admit though this trip was filled with a mixture of emotions. It was bittersweet to hold the baby. It filled me with love and hope and also filled me with sadness and longing for one of my own. I'm so grateful that Glenn and I can talk about everything and we help each other to get through it. I feel bad and guilty sometimes because I want to be strong and together. I want everyone to think I'm handling it all so well. But part of the reason I wanted to write this blog was to help me get through the process better and to maybe help others going through the same thing. So, honesty is vital for that to work. So, cards on the table... Sometimes it really sucks!! I've decorated the house for Christmas & Hanukkah but I'm not really looking forward to them. There will be moments of joy but always deep inside that hole will still be there inside me.
When my sweet, generous friends ask, "What do you want or need for a present this year?" all I can say is "I want a baby." Plain and simple. I want to build our baby fund so we can afford the adoption. But there is nothing else in the material world that will bring me the peace and happiness of the season this year. I know it sounds bleak and I hate feeling this way but it's just how I'm feeling tonight. There is always joy to be had and life to be lived but for tonight I'm feeling blue.
11/10/08
Recommendation
I agree with all that my husband wrote about reading the home study. But the last line of it all is what I was most happy with:
"It is therefore recommended that Glenn & Angela be allowed to adopt a male or female newborn of any ethnicity."
Yipee!!! We passed! We are cleared and good to go for adoption. Now just some more waiting. We are getting really good at that. Because as long as we stay in each moment and live our lives, all is well.
"It is therefore recommended that Glenn & Angela be allowed to adopt a male or female newborn of any ethnicity."
Yipee!!! We passed! We are cleared and good to go for adoption. Now just some more waiting. We are getting really good at that. Because as long as we stay in each moment and live our lives, all is well.
11/9/08
our biography
We received the big homestudy writeup from our social worker the other night. I was up late working, it was about 2am but I had to read it through. After 3 interviews, she'd put together a pretty comprehensive biography. It includes our separate backgrounds, our life together, family relationships and issues, and religious beliefs, as well as how we intend to parent. Tonight we're going through it in detail, addressing any errors or misinterpretations. There are a few, which we're working on correcting, but for the most part, she got it pretty much right.
It is strange to see yourself written about in such detail, especially since the purpose of the bio is to determine whether we're approved for adoption, and to help the adoption social worker (someone different from the person doing the writeup) find a good match for us. To see our own lives through the prism of someone else's interpretation, and to consider the implications for our adoption, felt very strange. It was a bit of an out of body experience - like hearing your own voice on the radio, or seeing a video of yourself when you didn't know it was being taken.
I enjoyed seeing how our relationship was represented - she got that we are playful and loving towards each other. And though we were a little worried about how she responded to the dogs, she reported that they seemed to be fine for children.
In the end, she recommends us as approved, and will submit the final, corrected version to her supervisor, who will review all of our paperwork and make a final determination.
This is, of course, a huge relief. While we didn't expect to be rejected, you always carry that fear in the back of your mind that something you did or said, or something she perceived, would tip the scales in the wrong direction.
Our next steps are to write up our "adoption plan," which spells out our commitment to how we intend to interact with the birth mother, and of course our birth mother letter.
It is strange to see yourself written about in such detail, especially since the purpose of the bio is to determine whether we're approved for adoption, and to help the adoption social worker (someone different from the person doing the writeup) find a good match for us. To see our own lives through the prism of someone else's interpretation, and to consider the implications for our adoption, felt very strange. It was a bit of an out of body experience - like hearing your own voice on the radio, or seeing a video of yourself when you didn't know it was being taken.
I enjoyed seeing how our relationship was represented - she got that we are playful and loving towards each other. And though we were a little worried about how she responded to the dogs, she reported that they seemed to be fine for children.
In the end, she recommends us as approved, and will submit the final, corrected version to her supervisor, who will review all of our paperwork and make a final determination.
This is, of course, a huge relief. While we didn't expect to be rejected, you always carry that fear in the back of your mind that something you did or said, or something she perceived, would tip the scales in the wrong direction.
Our next steps are to write up our "adoption plan," which spells out our commitment to how we intend to interact with the birth mother, and of course our birth mother letter.
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