After our Adoptive Parents Group, my husband and I browsed around the Borders bookstore that it took place at. We both love books!! We are suckers for any used book sales and we love to stop at yard sales and see what books there are. That day he found a great find on sale and had to get it. It's a small little book with a green trim and photo of Kermit the Frog. The title is: It's Not Easy Being Green and other Things to Consider. By Jim Henson, The Muppets & Friends.
What a huge fan we both are of Jim Henson and his genius! What an influence he has had on us are whole lives. When I think of him I can't help to smile. He was so talented, so creative, so full of compassion and joy. He was an educator, a big hearted, human being. He was a friend to all. I remember when he passed away and they had the tribute show for him with all the Muppets. I sat on my couch and just cried. I felt the loss of his pure desire to bring joy to others. His desire to bridge any gaps that remained between us silly humans. His Monsters and Muppets opened our minds and heart. He was the real deal, as I like to say. He had such passion for his work. He was so lucky to be able to do what he loved and to be so successful at it. We were so lucky to have had him! He will live on forever!!
I've been reading our new book. It's a collection of quotes, stories, anecdotes, songs & insights from Jim himself via some of his amazing characters and from people who worked with him and other friends and people who knew him or where just influenced by his art. It's a funny, sweet and inspiring book. Many familiar songs and quotes that bring back such great memories.
As I read the lyrics to one of his most famous songs from the brilliant film "The Muppet Movie" it effected me in a whole new way. It made me think of our adoption process. About the waiting and wondering about our birth mom and our future baby. I wonder where she is and what she is doing and how she is feeling. I wonder what our baby will be like. What will it look like? I keep dreaming of that day that I hold our little one for the first time. So here are the lyrics and see what connection you make to the words this time.
THE RAINBOW CONNECTION
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SONGS ABOUT RAINBOWS,
AND WHAT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE?
RAINBOWS ARE VISIONS, BUT ONLY ILLUSIONS,
AND RAINBOWS HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
SO WE'VE BEE TOLD
AND SOME CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT.
I KNOW THEY'RE WRONG, WAIT AND SEE.
SOMEDAY WE'LL FIND IT, THE RAINBOW CONNECTION,
THE LOVERS, THE DREAMERS, AND ME.
WHO SAID THAT EVERY WISH WOULD BE HEARD AND ANSWERED,
WHEN WISHED ON THE MORNING STAR?
SOMEBODY THOUGHT OF THAT , AND SOMEONE BELIEVED IT.
LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE SO FAR.
WHAT'S SO AMAZING THAT KEEPS US STARGAZING,
AND WHAT DO WE THINK WE MIGHT SEE?
SOMEDAY WE'LL FIND IT, THE RAINBOW CONNECTION,
THE LOVERS, THE DREAMERS, AND ME.
8/17/09
First Adoptive Parents Group
This past Saturday was the very first ADOPTIVE PARENTS GROUP that I organized through Meetup.com. We have 10 official members (12 including me and my husband)! There were only four (5 including the adorable 2 year old of one of the parents) there but it was great! Such open, honest and real people! I was grateful for their candor and desire to share and listen to others about their journey with adoption. Eacht story is truly unique, yet beautiful! I look forward to my relationship growing with these people. I especially look forward to more people being at the next meeting in Septemeber and for even more parents to join the group. I'm busy getting the word out. Going to post flyers and do the whole web networking thing! Will also post a listing in adoptive families magazine if I can!
I wanted to find a support group for adoptive parents and there just wasn't any near me. So, I went and started one myself! It feels so good! I'm really proud of myself for making this group happen. It was a goal of mine and it has been achieved!
Two of the moms that I've started communicating with through emails that I've met on adoptive family websites have been matched!! They've been waiting a really long time. I'm so thrilled and happy for them! There was no pang of envy this time. Only validation that it does happens for others and it will happen for us!
I will admit during a brief bout of PMS this past month, I got emotional and felt that yearning for our child, so deep to the core of my being. It felt good to cry and allow myself to feel it. I can tell you that it is possible to love someone you have not even met. To miss them and want to hold them and love them. I feel so full of love already for our baby that I could just burst! I have all this love to share. So that's what I'm doing. Sharing it! Starting this group helps. To be there and share with others who understand the journey. I'm also volunteering more so I can share of myself and be of service. To get outside of myself and connect with others. Also making plans to visit with friends & family more helps too.
I am enjoying every minute with my husband. I am a complete person. I am a wife, a sister, an Aunt, a daugther-in-law, a friend and mom to our pets. All these roles are so important to me and I cherish them. All the relationships I have add such value to my life. They help to make up who I am. So they must be nurtured. They help me be a better me and that will make me a better mother.
I wanted to find a support group for adoptive parents and there just wasn't any near me. So, I went and started one myself! It feels so good! I'm really proud of myself for making this group happen. It was a goal of mine and it has been achieved!
Two of the moms that I've started communicating with through emails that I've met on adoptive family websites have been matched!! They've been waiting a really long time. I'm so thrilled and happy for them! There was no pang of envy this time. Only validation that it does happens for others and it will happen for us!
I will admit during a brief bout of PMS this past month, I got emotional and felt that yearning for our child, so deep to the core of my being. It felt good to cry and allow myself to feel it. I can tell you that it is possible to love someone you have not even met. To miss them and want to hold them and love them. I feel so full of love already for our baby that I could just burst! I have all this love to share. So that's what I'm doing. Sharing it! Starting this group helps. To be there and share with others who understand the journey. I'm also volunteering more so I can share of myself and be of service. To get outside of myself and connect with others. Also making plans to visit with friends & family more helps too.
I am enjoying every minute with my husband. I am a complete person. I am a wife, a sister, an Aunt, a daugther-in-law, a friend and mom to our pets. All these roles are so important to me and I cherish them. All the relationships I have add such value to my life. They help to make up who I am. So they must be nurtured. They help me be a better me and that will make me a better mother.
7/10/09
visit with our social worker
Glenn & I had our 6 month check in meeting with our social worker yesterday. She is very nice and we are grateful for all her help. But honestly it was a bit startling that the first thing she did was present us with a list of attorneys to possibly contact to hurry up the process. It seemed that she was wanting to turn us over to them and was saying "Sorry. We can't do much for you now."
But that's not what was going on. She was just doing her job and stating the facts. Yes. Things are faster with an attorney but also way more money. We have faith that we've chosen the right path for us. Our agency has recently hired a new person to do more outreach. So I'm feeling positive that things will "pick up!" We were told from the very beginning that it could take a year, to year in a half. So we are half way there, could be less, could be more! I believe with all my heart the right situation will happen. And sooner than later!
We are still doing more to prepare. We signed up for and started taking classes on newborn care. I have lots of experience but Glenn not as much and I'm all for us doing all we can to be the best parents we can. I love learning more details from pediatric doctors and nurses. We make such a great team. All of this only bonds us closer and will make us better parents.
I love how the nursery is starting look. It makes it all more real. We are creating the right energy for our little one.
We are getting good at waiting! So, that's were we are. Waiting but knowing with full faith we will have our baby soon.
But that's not what was going on. She was just doing her job and stating the facts. Yes. Things are faster with an attorney but also way more money. We have faith that we've chosen the right path for us. Our agency has recently hired a new person to do more outreach. So I'm feeling positive that things will "pick up!" We were told from the very beginning that it could take a year, to year in a half. So we are half way there, could be less, could be more! I believe with all my heart the right situation will happen. And sooner than later!
We are still doing more to prepare. We signed up for and started taking classes on newborn care. I have lots of experience but Glenn not as much and I'm all for us doing all we can to be the best parents we can. I love learning more details from pediatric doctors and nurses. We make such a great team. All of this only bonds us closer and will make us better parents.
I love how the nursery is starting look. It makes it all more real. We are creating the right energy for our little one.
We are getting good at waiting! So, that's were we are. Waiting but knowing with full faith we will have our baby soon.
6/30/09
Another call!
I got a call from my social worker today saying she wanted to present us to a birth mom that was leaving the hospital today. Were were avail to pick up the baby that afternoon if she chose us? YES!! I said. She told me some details about the mom and baby and I said yes to all of it. I called my hubby right away and he said YES too, of course. I rushed home and we both started getting the room even more ready. He had literally just sold our Queen size bed that was in our former guest room, future nursery. We already planned to use this 4th of July weekend to get the room more organized. Wow! Our hearts were racing and our stomachs full of butterflies. We were told it was a little girl. I looked at all our the lovely clothes so many great friends and family have donated. I couldn't help linger on the girl clothes, wondering if we would really have a little one to wear them by that night!? I wanted to pick the first outfit out that we would bring our baby home in. So full of emotion. Such love is already in my heart for our baby. A giddy, nervous excitement we both felt.
Alas, we were not chosen. The birth mom chose a couple that already have children. She wanted her daughter to have siblings. I can understand that. The feeling in my stomach and chest immediately changed. It sunk. My heart was sad. We were both disappointed but knew it was just not meant to be. Now, still more time to prepare. It's all good. Just intense! Life could change that quickly! So surreal. So beautiful.
This little girl that will not be ours has a good home. That's a good thing. Throughout the day as we waited to hear, we sent loving thoughts and prayers to the birth mom as she made her decision. We also sent love & light to the little baby. We still do. We took many deep, long breaths to calm our nerves. We hugged each other a lot and made lists of what we need and what to do. I'm looking forward to doing them this weekend. We are going to register at Babies R Us and Target. That will be fun!
The baby today is an African-American. We are open to any race or sex. We know we just want a baby to love and will love it with all our hearts, as our own no matter what. Though once we knew it's ethnicity my sweet husband got on line and found some good articles to read about transracial adoption. More good info to have, just in case. We've already read many stories, articles and book and have taken seminars on the subject to prepare but it was good to further discuss possible conversations with others and with our child that we might have. I love that about us. We talk through everything. We are such great partners. I know we will make amazing parents. It was just 7 weeks ago, we were presented to another mom who did not choose us. We are getting closer. I can feel it.
We will be parents!! We will hold that sweet baby and all that we have gone through will just slip away and we will just focus on the magnifence of this perfect being and be in awe of the love we feel for him or her. I get emotional just thinking about. Right now, I just have an attitude of gratitude and will continue to live life with an open, gracious and loving heart.
Alas, we were not chosen. The birth mom chose a couple that already have children. She wanted her daughter to have siblings. I can understand that. The feeling in my stomach and chest immediately changed. It sunk. My heart was sad. We were both disappointed but knew it was just not meant to be. Now, still more time to prepare. It's all good. Just intense! Life could change that quickly! So surreal. So beautiful.
This little girl that will not be ours has a good home. That's a good thing. Throughout the day as we waited to hear, we sent loving thoughts and prayers to the birth mom as she made her decision. We also sent love & light to the little baby. We still do. We took many deep, long breaths to calm our nerves. We hugged each other a lot and made lists of what we need and what to do. I'm looking forward to doing them this weekend. We are going to register at Babies R Us and Target. That will be fun!
The baby today is an African-American. We are open to any race or sex. We know we just want a baby to love and will love it with all our hearts, as our own no matter what. Though once we knew it's ethnicity my sweet husband got on line and found some good articles to read about transracial adoption. More good info to have, just in case. We've already read many stories, articles and book and have taken seminars on the subject to prepare but it was good to further discuss possible conversations with others and with our child that we might have. I love that about us. We talk through everything. We are such great partners. I know we will make amazing parents. It was just 7 weeks ago, we were presented to another mom who did not choose us. We are getting closer. I can feel it.
We will be parents!! We will hold that sweet baby and all that we have gone through will just slip away and we will just focus on the magnifence of this perfect being and be in awe of the love we feel for him or her. I get emotional just thinking about. Right now, I just have an attitude of gratitude and will continue to live life with an open, gracious and loving heart.
6/11/09
Still Waiting
It's been 6 weeks since last my post. Much has happened. So much to write. I was thinking about writing on Mother's Day but wanted to just have that be about my own mom. She passed away a year ago, last May 8th.
We spent this year's Mother's Day in nature going for a long 3 hour beautiful hike in the Malibu Hills. Very therapeutic & inspiring. We went down to an amazing Grotto. There were some pretty steep and jagged boulders that we had to maneuver around. It took much focus and step by step action to reach our destination. I realized it was a wonderful metaphor for life. One must take it all one step at a time and be truly present in the moment so you don't loose your balance and get off course. Also, deep breathing helped. We so often get scattered and lose sight of each precious thing that is in front of us. Or else we are so focused on the bright light at the end of the tunnel we miss out on the gems along the way. So, it's all about balance. That is my intent in life. I am not fist clenched, so crazed about wanting our baby right this very minute anymore. I'm just enjoying the journey and knowing the perfect time and birth mom will present itself. I'm not saying it's always easy. I will get to that stuff later. I just want to let you know where I am right now.
Being in a good place really helped with a call we got while our regular social worker was on vacation. I had just spoke with her before her trip and she said it was really slow right then. So, we just didn't expect anything, especially for the two weeks she was out. Well, we got a call from the lady covering for our social worker saying she was presenting our profile to a birthmom that day who had given birth 2 days ago and was leaving the hospital today. She wanted to make sure we would be prepared if we had to come pick up the baby that afternoon! Wow! We were and told her so. We have a car seat and I put it in my trunk, in case. When I called my husband I could hear the excitment in his voice too. He had a business trip coming up and would gladly send someone else in his place. Our stomachs were filled with butterflies all day. Each time my cell phone rang, my heart pace accelerated! It was tense. She called about 9am-ish and it wasn't until almost 5:30pm she finally called back saying we were not chosen.
Major disappointment. Big let down. Sadness. But honestly it was okay. We knew it was just not meant to be. There were no tears, just acceptance, and actually feeling like it was a step closer to getting our baby. It was something, at least. It is now just part of our adoption story. It sure had our minds racing that day and we had a lovely longer walk than normal that evening with the dogs, as we discussed our thoughts and feelings. We made more plans and have been doing more reorganizing in our house and selling things on Craigslist.
Okay, here is the part that can be hard for me. I have a part time gig as a Nanny for 2 amazing boys. Age 4 & almost 9. They are so smart, creative, fun and funny. I enjoy my afernoons with them. I pick them up weekdays afterschool at their nice private school. I believe I'm the only nanny there. It's all moms & a couple of dads & few granddmas . I see all the moms talking, who have become friends through their kids being classmates. I hear their conversations about classes and playdates and parenting and that's where I feel left out. All of them are nice and smile at me and say Hello but I'm clearly not a mom and so therefore they have no need to connect with me. Understandable. It just makes me long for that time when I'm the mom and I can plan play dates and talk about our little one's challenging times with his heavy homework load or what should we do for the weekend. It seems to intensify the missing piece in my life right now. I more aware of the child I don't have. It can make me sad. Sitting in the audience of tee ball and little league games with the parents does the same thing. I sit there with my book and water and just wait to cheer for my little guys. And I do. Being a caregiver for kids that aren't mine does not lessen the special feeling I have for them. The geninue love and pride I fee for them is strong. It assures me what a good mom I will be. Plus, getting ready for 3 grade math homework! Yikes!! I never did like long division!
I'm working on starting a support group for adoptive parents and will tell more about that soon. Joining more message boards on line and gaining more knowledge and hearing more stories. Also reading other blogs on adoption.
All is well. Sending love & light to our birthmom, wherever she is.
We spent this year's Mother's Day in nature going for a long 3 hour beautiful hike in the Malibu Hills. Very therapeutic & inspiring. We went down to an amazing Grotto. There were some pretty steep and jagged boulders that we had to maneuver around. It took much focus and step by step action to reach our destination. I realized it was a wonderful metaphor for life. One must take it all one step at a time and be truly present in the moment so you don't loose your balance and get off course. Also, deep breathing helped. We so often get scattered and lose sight of each precious thing that is in front of us. Or else we are so focused on the bright light at the end of the tunnel we miss out on the gems along the way. So, it's all about balance. That is my intent in life. I am not fist clenched, so crazed about wanting our baby right this very minute anymore. I'm just enjoying the journey and knowing the perfect time and birth mom will present itself. I'm not saying it's always easy. I will get to that stuff later. I just want to let you know where I am right now.
Being in a good place really helped with a call we got while our regular social worker was on vacation. I had just spoke with her before her trip and she said it was really slow right then. So, we just didn't expect anything, especially for the two weeks she was out. Well, we got a call from the lady covering for our social worker saying she was presenting our profile to a birthmom that day who had given birth 2 days ago and was leaving the hospital today. She wanted to make sure we would be prepared if we had to come pick up the baby that afternoon! Wow! We were and told her so. We have a car seat and I put it in my trunk, in case. When I called my husband I could hear the excitment in his voice too. He had a business trip coming up and would gladly send someone else in his place. Our stomachs were filled with butterflies all day. Each time my cell phone rang, my heart pace accelerated! It was tense. She called about 9am-ish and it wasn't until almost 5:30pm she finally called back saying we were not chosen.
Major disappointment. Big let down. Sadness. But honestly it was okay. We knew it was just not meant to be. There were no tears, just acceptance, and actually feeling like it was a step closer to getting our baby. It was something, at least. It is now just part of our adoption story. It sure had our minds racing that day and we had a lovely longer walk than normal that evening with the dogs, as we discussed our thoughts and feelings. We made more plans and have been doing more reorganizing in our house and selling things on Craigslist.
Okay, here is the part that can be hard for me. I have a part time gig as a Nanny for 2 amazing boys. Age 4 & almost 9. They are so smart, creative, fun and funny. I enjoy my afernoons with them. I pick them up weekdays afterschool at their nice private school. I believe I'm the only nanny there. It's all moms & a couple of dads & few granddmas . I see all the moms talking, who have become friends through their kids being classmates. I hear their conversations about classes and playdates and parenting and that's where I feel left out. All of them are nice and smile at me and say Hello but I'm clearly not a mom and so therefore they have no need to connect with me. Understandable. It just makes me long for that time when I'm the mom and I can plan play dates and talk about our little one's challenging times with his heavy homework load or what should we do for the weekend. It seems to intensify the missing piece in my life right now. I more aware of the child I don't have. It can make me sad. Sitting in the audience of tee ball and little league games with the parents does the same thing. I sit there with my book and water and just wait to cheer for my little guys. And I do. Being a caregiver for kids that aren't mine does not lessen the special feeling I have for them. The geninue love and pride I fee for them is strong. It assures me what a good mom I will be. Plus, getting ready for 3 grade math homework! Yikes!! I never did like long division!
I'm working on starting a support group for adoptive parents and will tell more about that soon. Joining more message boards on line and gaining more knowledge and hearing more stories. Also reading other blogs on adoption.
All is well. Sending love & light to our birthmom, wherever she is.
4/29/09
Our Babymoon
My hubby and I just went away for an extended weekend with our dogs. It was a mini-vacation that we are hoping will be our Babymoon. That's the last trip you take together as a couple before the baby comes. We rented a cabin in the hills of Julian, California which is in San Diego County. It was just lovely. We brought the dogs because this cabin is geared for dogs to run around and play. Since we don't have a big backyard we knew they would love to roam around all that land and they sure did! They ran and dug holes and played and were just in doggie nirvana. It was glorious to watch. We also were able to nap and relax and BBQ and sit by the fireplace at night and connect and be romantic. It was a magical 3 days.
Our thoughts were filled with how much more fun it will be when we have our child with us. It will be more challenging and more to pack but so worth it. We talked about the many trips and vacations we took as children growing up and look forward to making those kinds of memories with our kids. I love traveling and the new facets of my personality it brings forth. I love experiencing new places and people and cultures. Even if it's just a few hours drive away I get a feeling of being away from it all and find the time to exhale and get a new perspective on my life. It's invigorating!
I also love antiquing and discovering old treasures in small over crowded little shops and antique malls in the small towns we find along the little winding roads or highways. You never know what you may find in them. I like the feeling of time gone by and the unknown memories the piece holds. I like yard sales for the same reason. Oh and getting a good bargain is nice too! These are things that my mother loved and instilled in me. I hope to also pass along this tradition of hunting for bargains and appreciating items that were once loved and now it's their time to move along to a new place. To see the value in all things and to find the story behind them. To observe people and to see that we are all connected and really the same at heart. These are things I think of when I visit new places.
I can't wait to hit the road with my little one and watch them grow and gain so much knowledge from all the places we'll travel to and the people we'll meet along the way!
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