"He looks like you!"

It's funny how so many people comment,
"He looks like you." or "He has your smile" or, "He has your eyes."  I know they mean well. It gets me thinking why they have to find some common thread between parent & child. And it is what most parents do with their biological child. How fun it is for them to see their beloved spouse in their child's eyes, or smile or their mother's hands, or father's chin. It bonds them. I understand. That is how DNA works.
With adoption, we don't have that experience. It's actually very interesting. We know he will not "inherit" any of our physical features. So, when we look at him, we don't even try to find them. We just see him for him. For who he is and for who he will become. His own person.
Why do parents have that natural desire to find a part of them in their child? Is it about having a part of you to continue on after you've left this world? Is is ego? Is it love? Or a little of all of it? I'm not trying to insult other parents or demean their experience at all. I totally get it and understand it. I love my husband so much and we had a huge desire to create a child of our own biologically and we tried for many years. During those three brief, failed pregnancies, we had those same feelings and curiosities. We wondered what they would like and who they would resemble. Totally natural. I'm just saying, that as I am now the mother of our incredible son, I see how it's also a very lovely and spiritual experience to just sit back and see Mason for the true separate individual he is. Loving him does not have anything to do with who he looks like or how he looks. As I'm sure most parents feel. Especially those involved in transracial adoptions! Glenn & I were totally open to that but it was not our match at this time! It's about love & the true connection of our hearts, not the connection of DNA, in my opinion.
So, many therapy couches have been filled with people who's parents wanted them to be carbon copies of them and how miserable or messed it made them. I believe as parents, whether adoptive or biological, it's imperative to be a guide for them to learn who they are. To not force or push them to be someone they are not. I know it is my job to teach him so many things. But I also know that I have much that I will (and already am) learn from him! I'm just trying to be in each moment, and see the world through his eyes. With his amazing sense of wonder and intrigue! It's magical! He may be totally different and discover whole new ideas and a way of living his life one day as an adult. I just want to instill good basic qualities of compassion, empathy, generosity, kindness and a sense of humor and desire to enjoy life with full passion. To accept others for who they are and embrace our differences and marvel at all the beauty in this world! Not too much to ask for, right? 
As you can see from the photo, he is a pensive, thoughtful guy already. Very much like his mommy & daddy. So, nature verses nurture is the question when it comes to adoption, I guess. He'll have more possibilities of qualities to pull from. He already has his daddy's sense of humor too. He makes us laugh so much every day!  It's just fun to sit back & watch it all unfold! We are sure enjoying the ride!!

Let just add that one of the first thoughts I had when Mason was born, was how adorable he was because he looked so much like his birthmom. She is such a cutie. So, I did it too!  One can't help it! I'm so grateful for that. That we know her and have pictures to show him and that he will even get to see her again one day. I should say, since my last blog entry, she got back in contact with us and we sent her lots of pictures. She texts us quite a bit and we are so grateful!


Finally!! An update!!

Wow! It's been a while! As you can guess, I've been a bit preoccupied and busy lately! Mason turned 5 months old on May 17th! What an absolutely amazing journey this has been!  Being a mom is just so powerful and life changing for sure!!! It's more challenging then I thought and way more wonderful than I thought too!!  We are SOO blessed! He is such a very good baby. Pretty easy going. He loves to smile and laugh. He is so social and always smiles at people he meets. He is a great observer of life and really studies and takes things in. He books, music and dancing! He's a great eater and sleeper! He is now just about 15 lbs! I'm getting some new muscles I never knew I had! I've even lost 13 lbs since he was born! All the running around, carrying him, lifting up and down and dancing around. Also forgetting to eat or eating while standing up and dancing in order to entertain him!
He just started sleeping through the night! Yipee! We then play & find fun place to go in between. He loves the outdoors and nature. We've been to some cool places! Like the Huntington Gardens, in Pasadena. The Japanese Gardens. He's ridden on a local merry go round and we go for walks at Lake Balboa a lot. I've joined some Mommy groups in our area that are fun too. I love being a stay at home mom!

Seeing my husband as a daddy, has made me love him even more. I knew he would be a great dad, but he is just such a natural at it. He loves his boy and they have a special bond. Glenn is a real hands on kind of dad. He loves to just hold him and do anything to make his boy smile and content. When Mason first arrived home, Glenn was able to take 2 months off of work and we all just cocooned and enjoyed our new family bonding. We took shifts with him at night and he had constant love & attention. It was pure bliss. I'm surprised how well we survived on so little sleep. But the shifts really helped. Because each of us got about 4 to 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. During those first months and every day since, there have been countless times my heart grew so big and full of love it felt like it would just burst!! There were also many tears of joy shed! After waiting so long and to finally be a mommy, is the best feeling in the world. All the pain and heartache have been worth it to have him here and in our lives! Discovering who this new little person was that had entered our life was and is still so magical and delightful!

We have our last meeting for our post placement home study in a couple of weeks. Then our adoption lawyer & agency will fill out and file all the proper paper work and we will wait for a court date for the finalization! Can't wait for that day when it all becomes official!

We have been informed both birth parents rights have been relinquished already. Getting that call was an odd feeling of relief. Adoption is such a unique situation to be in. Full of a whole potpourri of emotions and thoughts.

We have kept in touch with the birth mom but just this last month she has started not responding. I've read and heard from others who have gone through adoption that this is normal for them to pull away and begin again in their next chapter of life. But I will admit it makes us sad and we think of her all the time. We really don't want to loose contact all together. We see her in his sweet face everyday. She is in our prayers. We want only the best for her and welcome communication with her again soon when she is ready.

We've had a couple more meetings of the adoption support group I started and it's always so great to meet with others who understand the journey of adoption. Especially nice to see how sweet and well adjusted the kids are. Our last meet up was at a park for a family playdate and potluck. We met a couple who are still in the waiting process. Wow! I was glad to realize that we have loads of good info and advice to share with them. I remember how hard the waiting was. It is what makes me never take for granted how blessed we are.

I will try to keep up more regularly and let you know about the finalization!

Here is some proof of the cuteness of Mason! When he smiles... well there really aren't any words to properly describe the happiness I feel!
Back to enjoying time with my adorable son and handsome husband!