Happy Halloween! 2009

I was so excited about Halloween this year. I already know that we get tons of trick or treaters, so we got ready for them. We decorated the house up nice & fun. We even boomed scary music out our window! We had steady groups of kids for 3 hours and actually ran out of candy right at the end. Better for us, so we don't eat the left overs!
I just read my post from last year's Halloween and how we thought that we might have a baby this year. Well, it looks like it will be next year now. Yes, that makes me sad. We both long to take our child out to enjoy this special holiday. It will happen. We just choose to keep enjoying life as we wait.  That's makes us better parents and individuals.

Hope you enjoy these fun photos of us celebrating this fun and scary night. 

Our baby shower.

I've been meaning to post on this here blog all week but have been busy doing laundry and getting things organized. Cleaning and folding the cute little clothes, socks, hats, blankets, towels, etc. that belong to our future baby. It's been so fun and brings me such joy.

My long time friend and mother to my God son threw us a very nice baby shower last Sunday. Others friends gave her much needed assistance. Thanks to Dana for opening her home and working so hard. And to Kari for all her hard work and contribution. To Polly & Noah for the amazing, creative decorations. To Lauren, Tracy, Sam, Stephanie, Mary, Monica and all the many others who also helped with food and their time and efforts to make it a special day. It was a couples and family welcome day. Perfect Los Angeles weather to enjoy Dana's sweet backyard. There was a fun kids zone to play and create. Silly games and prizes. Yummy food and gifts! All and all it was just a good time! We are so grateful and so touched by all the love and support we felt from everyone that was there. Missed all those that were not, but were in spirit.

To Glenn & I, having a shower before being matched feels like a great way to affirm we know it is happening and to manifest us being chosen and receiving our baby in our home. Since we are getting a newborn, being prepared by having all we need, gives us peace of mind. We'll be in the, "we're so tired, aren't getting any sleep, but it's the best feeling every mode" dealing with our new arrival, we will not be much up to organizing and arranging all the little and big bulky things needed to make baby's life more full and happy. So, having the room and all our ducks in a row is just so comforting. We even got ducks. Rubber and stuffed!

Folding the tiny little clothes and putting them in their right place is an indescribable feeling. The wonder of what our baby will look like, will smell like. Imagining how they will feel in my arms is just so lovely to experience. The real thing will be even better, of course! I wonder how much they will weigh, how many inches long will they be. All the normal things that a mom-to-be feels. It's so exciting!!

After I was all done, I sat back in the glider rocking chair and looked all around and just breathed it all in. I held the Elmo doll (a great shower gift!) like a baby, cuddling in my arms, and the dogs were very curious and standing up to see what I was doing and what was in my arms. Our youngest dog Indiana seemed jealous and wanted to jump into my lap too. So, it's good training to do with them to help get them prepared. Their perfect world will be rocked and forever changed too. All for the better, is my intent but I know it will be a challenging adjustment for the dogs and cats, as well as us too. But we are aware of what's to happen. They don't really know what to expect. They certainly can sense something is going on. But they all love to hang out in the baby's room already. It's the brightest, cheeriest room in our house. I have faith they will love and want to protect the baby as much as we do.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We are ready. Ready to receive and love our child. I have such an attitude of gratitude!

All is well and peaceful in the Sanders home. It will be even better SOON!!!

Haven't Met You Yet.

I heard the end of this song on the radio yesterday and had to look up the lyrics. I'm sure it wasn't Michael Buble's intent, but I related it to our whole journey to become parents and now waiting to be matched with a birth family and our baby. I'm sure you'll understand why. Here are the lyrics. (It's a fun catchy tune too.)

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

What is open adoption?

* Open adoption is about honoring the connection adoptees have to both of their families.
* Open adoption recognizes the rewards and joys of adoption.
* Open adoption recognizes the losses and grief of adoption.
* Open adoption does not diminish one family in favor of another.
* Open adoption is flexible, understanding that needs and circumstances change.
* Open adoption sets boundaries on the basis of what is best for the child in question.
* Open adoption looks like different things for different families.
* Open adoption is about commitment and sharing and love.

From: http://openadoptionsupport.com/

People really do not understand the process of adoption and how painful and challenging it is for waiting adoptive parents. They can make you feel like such an outsider, like you are wrong and so different from everyone other parent. I guess we are, really. I want to scream at some and shake them. But that is against the law. Don't want to end up in jail when my baby arrives!! Ha Ha. We have to laugh about it all or we will go insane! Trying to keep strong about it all!

The adoption books and articles in Adoption Families say we will have to be the educators of adoption for people in our lives and even strangers and I'm finding out it's so true. Strangers I don't care so much about because they don't matter in my everyday life. It's those that I love and have been a part of my life for so long that can hurt me.

Plus it's a rainy day her in Los Angeles, CA. Makes me want to curl up in bed and pull the covers over my eyes. Sending love and support to all my adoptive parent pals. You are the only ones who really understand. I didn't realize adopting would change and effect my friendships. I guess maybe I expected it would be easier. Makes me sad! Most of my friends and my family have been great. I have to focus on the positive but it's just hard when I get hurt. I need time to process it.

Thank goodness for my best friend, my husband.

Adoption T-shirt

I just purchased a T-shirt off of the website adoptionbug.com. It reads:

MOM-TO-BE
Just waiting to find out WHEN!

I wore it today and a woman I didn’t know saw me in it and said. “Oh! Are you expecting?” I said, “No. We’re adopting.” She replied. “You ARE expecting! Congratulations!” I wanted to hug her for her kindness! I felt so happy and proud and thanked her!! She is totally right. I AM expecting!! I'm an expectant mom!!

I also wore it tonight to a pre-adoption support group that our social worker recommended and when I walked in the therapist who runs the group said with a big smile on your face “Where did you get that shirt!?” When I told her adoptionbug.com she said she had never heard of it and wrote it down. I felt proud and can't wait to wear it more and see the reactions I get!

(See the adoption bug link on the right side of this blog to browse their adoption attire.)

My Birthday wish & sickness

My birthday was October 2nd. It is every year. I sure hope this is the very last birthday that I am not a mother.
I proceeded to get sick the day after my birthday and have been ever since. It fills me with great compassion for moms and dads who must go on being the best parent they can to their kids when they themselves are sick.
Being sick is not fun. It's the only time I ever think, "Gosh, I hope I don't get the call today for our baby. I wouldn't want to get our newborn sick with my cold."
I have laryngitis now. So, not much to say. Enjoying not speaking and just focusing on healing.
We did put up the Halloween decorations on Sunday and that made me happy. I love the holidays! So, now our house looks festive and fun. I look forward to seeing all the treat or treaters.
Must get some sleep now.