Holding pattern.

I want to say so much (which I know I usually do) but this time it's hard to put it into words. I'm so full of emotions. Having the chance to meet with a potential birthmom was intense, lovely, sweet, sad, hopeful, amazing, and a whole list of other descriptive words that I can't seem to find right now. She was just so.. real. Right there in front of us. With her big belly full of a live, kicking baby. It was active alot of the time during the meeting and it was so surreal. I wanted to reach across the table and feel it and ask so many questions. But I refrained. I felt the best thing to do would just try to keep it light for the first meeting. Make it more about getting to know each other and not focus on the baby and try to sell her on what amazing parents we would be. Now in retrospect, I wonder if that was the right thing to do.

We had no guidelines of the dos and donts for this kind of situation. We just winged it. We were told by some other birth moms that I've met on the adoption forums I've become a part of, to let her lead. But she was so quiet most of the time. Her two friends who were there for support, asked most of the questions and were just great and so helpful and open and just delightful ladies. I guess she felt shy, which I can understand.

Did we say too much? Too little? I know all we could do was be ourselves but it's hard not to keep re-thinking it all and replaying all that was said and wonder if I should have something different or more or less.

The result as of right now, is she has asked for more time to think about it. Now I feel so vulnerable and raw. But want to focus on all that we have to be grateful for.

I just can't help thinking of her though. No matter what happens, I want her to be happy and do well in life. She was so sweet and talk about vulnerable. Please! I have nothing to complain about. Our life is so good. She has to make the most difficult decision of her life. I totally respect that and she should take all the time she needs. Absolutely! It's important that everyone feel 100% about everything.

So, once again. We wait. We're in limbo. We're in a holding pattern.