I agree with all that my husband wrote about reading the home study. But the last line of it all is what I was most happy with:
"It is therefore recommended that Glenn & Angela be allowed to adopt a male or female newborn of any ethnicity."
Yipee!!! We passed! We are cleared and good to go for adoption. Now just some more waiting. We are getting really good at that. Because as long as we stay in each moment and live our lives, all is well.
11/10/08
11/9/08
our biography
We received the big homestudy writeup from our social worker the other night. I was up late working, it was about 2am but I had to read it through. After 3 interviews, she'd put together a pretty comprehensive biography. It includes our separate backgrounds, our life together, family relationships and issues, and religious beliefs, as well as how we intend to parent. Tonight we're going through it in detail, addressing any errors or misinterpretations. There are a few, which we're working on correcting, but for the most part, she got it pretty much right.
It is strange to see yourself written about in such detail, especially since the purpose of the bio is to determine whether we're approved for adoption, and to help the adoption social worker (someone different from the person doing the writeup) find a good match for us. To see our own lives through the prism of someone else's interpretation, and to consider the implications for our adoption, felt very strange. It was a bit of an out of body experience - like hearing your own voice on the radio, or seeing a video of yourself when you didn't know it was being taken.
I enjoyed seeing how our relationship was represented - she got that we are playful and loving towards each other. And though we were a little worried about how she responded to the dogs, she reported that they seemed to be fine for children.
In the end, she recommends us as approved, and will submit the final, corrected version to her supervisor, who will review all of our paperwork and make a final determination.
This is, of course, a huge relief. While we didn't expect to be rejected, you always carry that fear in the back of your mind that something you did or said, or something she perceived, would tip the scales in the wrong direction.
Our next steps are to write up our "adoption plan," which spells out our commitment to how we intend to interact with the birth mother, and of course our birth mother letter.
It is strange to see yourself written about in such detail, especially since the purpose of the bio is to determine whether we're approved for adoption, and to help the adoption social worker (someone different from the person doing the writeup) find a good match for us. To see our own lives through the prism of someone else's interpretation, and to consider the implications for our adoption, felt very strange. It was a bit of an out of body experience - like hearing your own voice on the radio, or seeing a video of yourself when you didn't know it was being taken.
I enjoyed seeing how our relationship was represented - she got that we are playful and loving towards each other. And though we were a little worried about how she responded to the dogs, she reported that they seemed to be fine for children.
In the end, she recommends us as approved, and will submit the final, corrected version to her supervisor, who will review all of our paperwork and make a final determination.
This is, of course, a huge relief. While we didn't expect to be rejected, you always carry that fear in the back of your mind that something you did or said, or something she perceived, would tip the scales in the wrong direction.
Our next steps are to write up our "adoption plan," which spells out our commitment to how we intend to interact with the birth mother, and of course our birth mother letter.
11/4/08
Election Day
I grew up in a home that was always involved with politics. My mom and grandma used to volunteer at the polling stations on election days. I've married the perfect mate for me because he too cares about politics. We are usually on the same page for everything and when it comes to politics there is no difference. We have actually been obsessed with this historical election year! We are so excited about the change that is about to occur. We got up early and were at our polling station right as it opened at 7:00am. We were so happy to see a long line of other enthusiastic, participating citizens. It was worth the 45 minutes wait. Today we proudly wear our "I Voted" sticker.
I must admit I did find myself thinking differently as I educated myself about the state propositions. I was thinking more to the future and thinking as a parent and how it would affect our children. I believe we will be parents in the next year so the results of this election will be the future for our next generation. Wow! It's so powerful and just makes me proud of all that our ancestors (especially women) fought so hard for. For our freedom and the right to vote. I do not take it for granted. I'm thrilled that record numbers are getting out to vote.
I look forward to teaching our children about the honor of voting, helping them get involved in politics, learning about how laws and bills get passed and how local and federal politician's choices not only affects our family, but everyone. I want to teach them to be a conscientious, aware and caring citizen.
11/1/08
Final Interviews
This is all out of order, since I had my 1-1 interview several weeks ago, and our couple's interview happened about 2 weeks ago now. But just thought I'd be a completist about it.
I was definitely nervous before my personal interview. You never know what questions the social worker is going to ask, even though Angie had already had hers. And there's this internal dialogue going on the entire time as I tried to answer the questions in such a way as to be honest but also positive. I mean, not every day in my life has been honkey-dorey, but what I didn't want to do was dwell on the bad stuff. Instead, I attempted to focus on how I learned or grew from the hard times.
But the couple's interview was much different. Angie and I are in such sync about our relationship and how we plan to raise our child. We were so eager to respond that we had to stop ourselves from talking over each other - but we also had almost exactly the same responses word for word. Of course, when it came time to enumerating each other's strengths, we both got emotional. We're a little bit corny sometimes, I'll be the first to admit. My only hope is that we don't come across as too "pie in the sky" or unrealistic. I think we both know that raising a child is hard work - and raising an adopted child has unexpected challenges that simply don't come up with a biological child. But the truth is, we really are in sync. We often joke that we have such the same taste that either one of us could go out and buy a house, and the other would be very happy with it. Hopefully that comes through to the social worker.
Now our official job is done. The paperwork is in. The social worker is compiling a report which we will review for accuracy, and then will be reviewed by a coordinator (ok, not sure the title, but some sort of supervisor). Then, if all goes well, we're in the system. We were told this could take til the end of November. A little more waiting.
Our next tangible task is the creation of the birth mother letter, which we'll probably share here, or at least part of it.
I was definitely nervous before my personal interview. You never know what questions the social worker is going to ask, even though Angie had already had hers. And there's this internal dialogue going on the entire time as I tried to answer the questions in such a way as to be honest but also positive. I mean, not every day in my life has been honkey-dorey, but what I didn't want to do was dwell on the bad stuff. Instead, I attempted to focus on how I learned or grew from the hard times.
But the couple's interview was much different. Angie and I are in such sync about our relationship and how we plan to raise our child. We were so eager to respond that we had to stop ourselves from talking over each other - but we also had almost exactly the same responses word for word. Of course, when it came time to enumerating each other's strengths, we both got emotional. We're a little bit corny sometimes, I'll be the first to admit. My only hope is that we don't come across as too "pie in the sky" or unrealistic. I think we both know that raising a child is hard work - and raising an adopted child has unexpected challenges that simply don't come up with a biological child. But the truth is, we really are in sync. We often joke that we have such the same taste that either one of us could go out and buy a house, and the other would be very happy with it. Hopefully that comes through to the social worker.
Now our official job is done. The paperwork is in. The social worker is compiling a report which we will review for accuracy, and then will be reviewed by a coordinator (ok, not sure the title, but some sort of supervisor). Then, if all goes well, we're in the system. We were told this could take til the end of November. A little more waiting.
Our next tangible task is the creation of the birth mother letter, which we'll probably share here, or at least part of it.
Halloween
I've always loved Halloween. As a child it of course was about dressing up and getting candy. But now as an adult it's about seeing all the kids in their costumes and giving out candy. We had many trick-or-treaters come to our door this year. They are so cute. I love it. Glenn and I really enjoyed seeing all the princesses, superheros, pirates, star wars characters and little monsters reaching their little hands in to take the candy. Seeing all the parents wait patiently behind them and smiling proudly while reminding their cutie pies to say "thank you." As darling as it was, I felt a bittersweet feeling about it all. I'm still reminded of the loss of my last pregnancy just last year. It was one year ago today I found out I was pregnant. I took the home pregnancy test and woke up Glenn by saying "Honey, I know what we can be next year for Halloween. Parents!" We were both so happy. This year we are still longing and waiting for our child. I'm so relieved to know that we are in the process of adopting because perhaps now next year for Halloween we will actually get to be parents. I can't wait to have our lil one dressed in a costume and enjoying the holiday and all holidays with them. This time of year is such a joyous one usually for us and we decorate the house for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Channukah & Christmas to add to the festive feeling. My mother did it for us growing up and now I'm continuing the tradition. I do know we will be parents and when we are, all the sadness and emotions we've been through will all be worth it and will help us appreciate the gift all the more. But right now, I just had to write the truth of my feelings, that being patient is hard. That seeing others with their children and so happy is difficult.
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