not the chosen ones

It's very disappointing. A bummer. A downer. It sucks! No other way to put it! Don't need to sugarcoat it. Would have much rather been chosen and knowing our baby was coming to us. But the birthmom did not feel we are the right ones to raise her son. Yes. It was a boy. I respect her decision. Of course I know we would have been great parents but I know she has to feel right about it. Some friends meaning to be supportive have said things like "She's an idiot if she doesn't choose you!" or "She'd be a fool not to pick you guys!." I know they mean well but really I don't agree. If it's not right, then it's not right. I want her to feel right about us or I wouldn't feel right. When I think of the birthmom of our future child I only have great love and respect.

Yes, perhaps if she knew us like our friends who made those comments did, she would choose us. That is one of the frustrating things about adoption. Her first decision is made from a piece of paper with written words about us and a photograph. So we are going to take some matters into our own hands and create a better profile and post it on a site specifically for prospective adoptive parents. It will make me feel good, knowing we are doing something and putting it out into the world more!

I will admit that I was a basket case this morning. I am not the kind of person to get nervous. I was darn near close to having a full blown anxiety attack!! Glenn had to talk and soothe me down. But it was good I got it all out in the AM. Shedding tears and talking about it with Glenn really helped. We had been waiting really since Tuesday night, wondering if this was our turn! So, when our Social Worker finally called today at 3:30pm I was more than ready to know one way or another. It was a relief to get the news, even though it was not the news we had hoped for, it felt so much better to know. BIG sigh of relief! Now we can get back to waiting. We know how to do that and are very good at it.

We eased the disappointment by taking our beloved, adorable dogs to the dog park. We call it the happiest place on earth! We love Disneyland but the dog park is just pure fun and full of energy. To see so many smiling, happy dogs, especially our own two, always picks us up. We can never be sad there. So, it was the perfect medicine! Also, one of our favorite dinners, delicious gyros at the best place in the valley, helped too!

I have the baby shower that my friend is going to through for me next month to look forward.

I have being a mom to look forward to!!

I KNOW WE WILL BE PARENTS!!!